My doctor said that to me the other me.

Well, here’s something that is not easy to say or write, but something that I hope, when shared, can be something useful to anyone who reads it. After 36 years of living a life, I’m (happy/sad/glad/ashamed – pick one) to share that I’m going to a psychiatrist.

The first session was just a couple of days ago.

I’m not sure how to describe everything, but things have been quite weird lately. Well, ‘lately’ sounded like it was a very new and fresh-from-the-oven thing, but it is not. It’s been a while, if I’m honest. A while, as in, since 2021-ish…roughly.

I was not sure what to come out of it.

Before the day came, I was not even sure how I felt about doing this new experience of a lifetime. I’m not even sure of how it works. So, I just went without any expectation whatsoever.

But I guess it was straightforward. The doctor was asking questions to make sense of me, and I answered them to my best honesty. And among the questions that he asked that stuck was “What do you expect to get out of the session?”

I gave my answer and he summarized it beautifully.

Whatever the reason, the feelings that I had, coming into the session, were just for one thing: to make sense of things. Because in most cases, things that have been happening in most people’s lives don’t make sense. One day, everything was OK and just like that, it broke apart. What the hell happened? Why am I feeling this way? Everything was good yesterday, so what the actual f*ck happened? It doesn’t make sense!

Making sense, it did.

I started to see that nothing was OK. The smallest things in life that happened, even if your mind kept saying that you are not bothered by it or you don’t want to think about it (so that it doesn’t get into your head): most of the time, it doesn’t happen that way. Somehow, whatever that thing was, it slips through into your mind and before you know it, it’s stuck there and everything else in your life starts spiraling down.

This is just the beginning.

I do hope that things can get better.

But for that to happen, change is inevitable.

Peace.